ACROSS AMERICA — We know there’s not a lot of middle ground on pumpkin spice, the unofficial flavor of fall. But this is a safe space. You’re free to love it with the glee of a child anticipating Santa’s arrival or see it as an autumnal abomination you can't escape.

Pumpkin spice is not a hill to die on. Research backs that up.

No matter how ardent your feelings, pumpkin spice may well be a great equalizer, according to the Kearney Consumer Institute, whose survey a couple of years ago found that 66 percent of respondents have warm, fuzzy feelings about pumpkin spice, irrespective of gender and socioeconomic status.

Still, some of what’s out there is off-the-charts imaginative — read, just plain weird — as far-flung companies dive into what Forbes in 2018 called the “$600 Million Pumpkin Spice Industrial Complex.”

Case in point in the “you’ve got to be kidding” category: Native Pumpkin Spice Latte Deodorant. What would that even smell like when mixed with the smell deodorant is supposed to mask? Never mind. No one needs that in their head.

We’re not sure about pumpkin spice beard oil, either. Would the beard attract ants and other insects that like pie?

Even SPAM, another product people seem to either love or loathe, has gone pumpkin-ey. Or, rather, it did. Hormel Foods’ Limited Edition Pumpkin Spice SPAM, sold online by the company that makes it and by Walmart, sold out in less than seven hours, the company said.

People who missed the SPAM jam can get in line for pumpkin spice ramen noodles this October. (That’s right, October. Not September, and certainly not August, when the aroma of pumpkin spice began wafting around coffee shops.)

For Nissin, the maker of the Cup Noodles, it’s game on.

Starbucks is either to blame or deserving of a thank-you for ubiquitous pumpkin spice drinks. The coffee behemoth debuted Pumpkin Spice Lattes in 2003, and its competitors, convenience stores, fast-food joints and everyone who could figure out a way to sneak the blend of cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, allspice and cloves into their products jumped into the fray.

“There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. … Care to cross it with us? Cup Noodles jumps on the Pumpkin Spice crazy train with a special pumpkin seasoning that’s the perfect blend of sweet, savory and spiced,” Nissin said on its website, adding the noodles should be topped with whipped cream for the full pumpkin spice experience “you never knew you needed.”

They have a genuine following among people who regard the concoction as “surprisingly good” and “actually soooo good,” but one person apparently agitated enough to use all caps said on Instagram that the promoters of these noodles “need to be ARRESTED.”

“SEND US STRAIGHT TO PUMPKIN JAIL,” the noodle maker responded in kind.

The noodle maker will have lots of company in that jail. Pumpkin spice has made it into coffee creamers, teas and chais; breakfast cereals, pancakes and syrups; smoothies, yogurt, ice cream, and pudding; muffins, breads, and biscuits: nuts, pretzels and Sprouts Organic Pumpkin Spice Kale Chips cookies, cakes and candies, including pumpkin spice Twinkies and pumpkin spice candy corn.

Even cheese — and we’re not just talking about Philadelphia Pumpkin Spice Cream Cheese Spread — is pumpkin spiced. The Dutch cheese maker Beemster offers pumpkin spiced Gouda cheese, and Wisconsin-based Henning’s offers pumpkin spiced cheddar cheese.

And believe this or not. Pumpkin spice salad is a thing. The Pumpkin Spice Chopped Kit from Taylor Farms is a mix of romaine and radicchio, spiced cinnamon pumpkin seeds, pumpkin spiced cornbread crouton crumbles and a pumpkin pie spiced vinaigrette.

We can’t possibly list everything pumpkin spice. A search yielded 10,000 results for for pumpkin spiced products on Amazon. Even if you don’t want pumpkin spice flavors in foods, you can use it to freshen your vacuum cleaner bag, the air around you and the counters you prep meals on. This odor-eliminating pumpkin spiced candle seems like an oxymoron, though.

That pumpkin spiced deodorant we mentioned earlier is not the personal care outlier you may think. Pumpkin spice is a “fine fragrance mist” in Bath and Body Works’ Marshmallow Pumpkin Latte, part of a larger line. It’s in lip balms, body scrubs and washes, lotions and more. Your nightly skin care routine is seasonal, too, or hadn’t you heard of Pumpkin Spice Retinol Night Serum?

And here’s something you may not have known: Colonists used pumpkins to ferment ale in 1771 — an improvisation made because wheat, barley and other grains typically used to make ale weren’t available — according to “The Beer Bible,” written by Jeff Alworth.

In other words, the colonists used pumpkin in their ales more than 200 years before Starbucks put the flavors in its coffee drinks. The chain didn’t add actual pumpkin to its Pumpkin Spice Lattes until 2015, after Food Babe blogger Van Hari outed the chain, reporting after persistent attempts to obtain a list of ingredients there was “absolutely no pumpkin” in the drink.

Starbucks made a big deal of announcing in 2015 that it was making its signature fall drink “with real pumpkin, and without caramel coloring.”

For what it’s worth, the R.W. Knudsen Family’s Sparkling Pumpkin Spice non-alcoholic drink is made with apple and pumpkin juice concentrate. One reviewer said “it’s not bad, just weird,” and another, a 64-year-old who doesn’t “even care about pumpkin spiced products” proclaimed it “the best drink I have ever had. Period.”

Dogs aren’t left out. Greenies, whose products take care of your dog’s halitosis, offers pumpkin spice flavor dog treats. The Honest Kitchen pet food company has a full line of pumpkin spice treats for cats and dogs.

Zoo animals like pumpkin spice. Bei Bei, the giant panda born at the National Zoo who is now living in China at the Bifengxia panda base, is said to have doused his head with pumpkin spice when introduced to it in 2017, The Washington Post reported.

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